Abolish Mirrors and bring in the Gay Men!

During my stint at a water park, I saw some pretty horrific things. Things like flabby flesh, wild hair that carpeted the human body, manly body parts protruding in ways they shouldn't and little girls running around without their tops on. Aging men with bellies the size of a small moon would tramp around the park, and from the front, you could swear they weren't wearing any swimming trunks. A part of you wanted to go up and ask, "Sir, are you aware that Water Park policy states that you must be wearing a bathing suit?" And in your mind you can visualize their response. Their chunky arms reaching down below and hauling that moon up high enough to see that they are indeed wearing swimming trunks, or better put, swimming underwear. Why? What is the appeal of the speedo? Even young men in speedos is a bit discomforting. But old portly men in bathing suits? Pulease! Spare our eyes this horrific sight! Worse though, is when that same man is covered from head to foot in hair, much like Chewbacca, although nowhere near as flattering. At least Chewbacca's not supposed to be clothed. The women are worse though. For some reason, women's fat never seems to solidify like that of a mans. On occasion my eyes would be glued to a woman's stomach or exposed cleavage as they walked by and the skin would ripple with every jarring step. I was completely disgusted, yet such sights could not be avoided. The worst part is that these women would wear bikini's. The only excuse I can imagine for them is that they must be easier to squeeze into rather than a more flattering one piece. But seriously women! How can you be comfortable walking around under the hot sun all day completely exposed with your fat flapping so much you're creating your own wind patterns? I wondered constantly why they chose that particular suit? They had to have seen themselves in the changing room mirrors, there's no way to avoid them, inside or outside your cubicle. And yet they still buy it. Can some people be so blinded that they really don't see the horror they are inflicting on the rest of us? So I propose a solution. Abolish mirrors and bring in the gay men. Gay men tell it straight, just like it is. "Oh darling, pulease! You think you can pull that off? You've got fat spilling out in areas that even elephants don't have." So what I'd like to say is...with a few gay men in every changing room, we'll have fewer marshmellow's in bikinis and speedos.